The Problem with Music

Its kind of late and I am not around any of my music equipment, and I'm stuck in a real shitty youtube video vortex, and I guess this blog post is my last attempt to escape it. Basically, I stumbled upon this video after watching a few Glen Fricker vids (real smart dude by the way, even if his aesthetic is a bit overdone, check out his channel here). After reading the comments on said video, I felt a real compulsion to listen to shlohmo and write this post.

Glen Fricker spends quite a bit of time talking about how the human element of music is being "edited out." He spends quite a long amount of time ragging on drum samples, and how they can never have the feel and emotion and subtle variation of live drums. Glen also talks about autotune, and this one comment on the aforementioned boyinband.com video cited autotune as being the one sign of "no talent." Basically, it seems to me like alot of these people are seeing a fundamental issue with alot of music technology that has come out today. They see it as corrupting, or trying to shortcut some essential element of music, and they want to lambast the culprits for it.

First, let me address Glen Fricker. Glen Fricker's complaints about samples make absolute sense, given his exposure to drum samples and how he has seen them used in the studio. If you are a metal band, and you want to get that big fucking drum sound, then yeah sample replacing will make ur drums sound lame as shit, because glen is absolutely right when he says that samples will never have the feel of live drums. Samples aren't live drums, and the idea that supposedly talented musicians are content with having producers sample replace their hits is fucking sad. So in that respect, I agree with glen.

I disagree with the concept that samples in general are always bad in every conceivable way. Like, shit, do you listen to hiphop? Like, come on. Really? You think all hiphop is terrible? Glen probably can tell sampled drums from real drums, and so i guess he is allowed to hate "all hip hop" but the rest of you probs couldn't pass a double blind test. My guess is that all of you are about as dumb as me, and I sometimes wonder if I could truly tell the different between live drums and sampled drums with my eyes closed. But the point, sampling is objectively not a bad thing, and has an interesting aesthetic in its own right. Early hardware samplers in particular have a very interesting lowpass filter (becuz of the lower sample rate) and graininess to them that live drums don't have. Samples can be pitched up, pitched down, reversed, bitscrambled, and enveloped all with relative ease, and that shit can sound cool as fuck. Like seriously, it can. Yeah, samples can't replace live drums, but i'd like to see live drums make some venetian snares.



Like, live drums cannot make that sound. Like, they fucking can't. And I don't mean to say that live drummers can't play as fast, because they can, but live drums will never sound that choppy, never sound that screwed, it will never sound like that. Do you see what I'm saying? And if you wanna say "well sounding like that sounds dumb" then thats your prerogative, but its my right to buy and purchase and share music that I think is cool so I'm gonna do that, but don't go around saying that venetian snares doesn't make music or doesn't have talent. Literally, pull your head out of your ass. It would take you literally a million years to figure out how to make that song, shut the fuck up. And it is music, because a substantial group of people enjoy it like they enjoy other things that you call music, and music is a social construct anyway, so fuck off.

Next, I want to address the complaint by Glen Fricker and millions of other "true music fans" that autotune sucks. Again, autotune sucks when its used to make up for a singer's bad and out of practice singing. But, when autotune is used as an effect itself, it can sound pretty cool. When a singer who can actually control their voice sings with autotune, and the settings on the autotune are just right, then autotune can essentially be used to allow a singer to control a synthesizer. Check this shit out:

   

Like, look at that shit, they took two vocal tracks, ran them both through autotune, and hardpanned them, and you get this fuckin sweet stereo soundscape thing, where the machine processes the voice differently at some points, and the same at other times, and it sounds real cool. You get this weird funky thing which sounds cool. Thats what autotune can do if you use it right. It's like, the song has to be built around the autotune, it can't just be thrown in for no reason.

But lets really address a deeper issue here. People keep talking about a "problem with music" and here is the real truth. There is no fucking problem with music. Or really, put much better, the problem with music is not the fact that people are using samples or autotuning their voice. The problem is that idiots who don't know what the fuck they are talking about say dumb shit on the internet and it makes me get mad and write these dumb blog posts about a topic that everyone already knows the truth about. There is no such thing as "good music" other than music that lives up to its own standards, and its up to us as a society to decide whether artists succeed and fail in doing what they want to do. Some people think very heavily about that, some people don't, but it is all a process, an active interpretation. We all actively contest the definition and value of music everyday by what we listen to, how we listen to it, and how much we pay for it. And its evident that based on youtube comments, some people value music alot more highly than others.

This was a shit blog im sorry just like fucking youtube comments man oh my god.

I might be taking a break from music for a while

Idk, I just haven't been feeling it recently. I'll try to finish mastering the new EP for August. I still havent got a new microphone shockmount yet so I can't really do any serious recording. I don't think the rap album is gonna be finished in time. Writing lyrics is so hard for me even when it's not rapping and when it is rapping it's even harder. I feel like I don't have any conceptual basis for my music right now, you know? Everything is just kind of "oh i bet this is cool" or i feel like I'm trying to hard. There's no greater point anymore, you know?

I'm thinking of doing stand up. I've been writing some material and I'm gonna try to find a comedy club open mic and preform some of it. I also might just record me telling the jokes in my room and upload that to youtube or something. I need to get some press.

Idk, it's a weird time. I feel like I've reached some pinnacle because my high school self has everything it wanted, and I haven't evolved enough to want something new. I have nothing to strive for, and I'm not dead yet. I've plateaued.

I'm not gonna try to force music out of me. If I wanna make a song I'll make it, but I'm not gonna lie to myself by making something I don't want to. I hope you all can understand that.

But I don't have like any fans so what the hell who cares.

How to be a good electronic DJ

I went to a rave sober and it was kinda fun but what bothered me the most was that the music was really dumb. At one point they started playing Die Antwoord and it was so good but then I had to leave. Anyway, for those DJ thats are trying to set themselves apart, here are some simple steps to make an entertaining, intelligent, and danceable set that everyone whose on drugs will like.

1. Change the tempo from time to time. (HAH pun)

You don;t even have to change the actually BPM you can just change it to like half time or change the lenght of the measure to six beats rather then four or something. It's so boring when all the songs are the same tempo. I mean nobody on drugs will mind it but if you really wanna give them a good time you'll make things a little confusing and exciting.

2. Let the groove ride for more then two fucking minutes.

What bothers me the most is when DJs keep switching back into these buildups every five seconds. Once the drop hits, just let the groove ride for a bit. Don't go back to the buildup for a while because it makes the buildup really mundane and not special. Let the groove ride and then change it a little bit. Like add more parts to it. a four on the floor with some sample in triplet playing over it sounds really good and will make the druggies head spins they will be all "WHAT OH MY GOD THATS SO COOL IM SO HIGH" everyone will love it.

3. Don't put too many lights.

You're probably like "what is he talking about? cool lights are the only reason people go to raves at all! lets give the people what they want!" and while you wouldn;t be entirely wrong, its a problem when the place is so bright that all the lights lose their appeal. See, when everything is dark, the pupils dilate and become larger to take in more light. So if everything in the room is really dark except for one crazy light pattern that light pattern is gonna be super bright when everyone looks at it because their pupils will have to adjust between total darkness and super not darkness. The light will be like one million times brighter and all the people on drugs will have fun.

4. play music of different textures.

If there are any group of people that are accepting of new things its people on drugs, and as such it is your job to expand their musical horizons. As much as they think they wanna hear the same dubstep wobble over and over again, they really don't, and the night will be so much more memorable if their are parts where shit changes up (and for those who really do wanna hear the wobble bass over and over again if it goes away for a bit it will make the drops so much more epic). But feel free to really explore different music textures, from distortion to phaser, clicky clacky sounds to deep low bass, really try and change things up. But not too fast. Remember rule 2.

And with that you should be on your way to making the heads of x users everywhere spin faster then their parents can shake theirs in a disapproval. Because at the end of the day, your only trying to freak out high people. And the best way to do that is to make something that would freak out a sober person.

oh yeah and the 5th step is dont play shitty music. But you knew that already.

I am learning HTML

One of my friends who runs Homfrog.net (all the wackyness of this website with none of the bitter cynicism) is teaching me how to do it. I have already stolen some of his code and learned so much. seriously check him out.

Dominic Monaghan has yet to tell me what happens in Lord of the Rings after the plane crashes. In fact, NONE of the celebrities I tweeted on my twitter binge in the car a couple days ago have responded. What a bunch of roody poodies.

Homfrog has like one billion twitter followers. I have no idea how he did that. He says it just happens after you tweet for a long time. He's been tweeting for like four years. I have only been doing it for like six months so he has some mileage on me.

Daniel is eating gold fish over my computer because he sucks. If one of you emails me I'll give you his facebook password.

Anyway yeah expect more web design in the future. There's gonna be a new album at some point this month too. It will be like Merzbow but not as loud or scary. Just foreboding.

It's kinda crazy how quickly this website turned into 27b/6. All the blog posts of recent have become mega spiteful and troll-ish. Maybe its just what I like to do.

When david thorne responds to me I'll post the email exchange it should be humorous.